These are all written by Dr. Eeks (ErinKate Stair, MD, MPH) and based on real-life encounters.
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My quest to add “spiritual health” to the Causes or Cures Podcast led me to an exorcist, an angel consultant, a Vegas gigolo turned enlightenment guru, reincarnation fans, spirit-animal gurus, and a couple of people who said they were aliens or had contact with aliens.
Still, no one is as intimidating as my high-school librarian, Sister Magdalene. Her line—“What would you do if Jesus walked through that door?”—is forever branded on my brain. Years later, I still don’t know…but I’d probably start with whatever bad joke I’m telling everyone that week.
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I told someone I’d be back in a jiffy. That was not a jiffy ago. I can feel them googling how long a jiffy is.
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I love my character-building, bargain lap pool & the new public health sign even more:
“Please don’t spray your nose or fecal matter in the pool.”
Imagine doing laps & thinking, “Well, here’s where I’d normally do my morning fecal misting, so thank God I saw that sign!”
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At my checkup I asked the dentist how I would know if I grind my teeth.
He said, “Well, not to get too personal, but do you have a partner? It is usually loud enough that they know.”
I paused and said, “Well, not to get too Jerry Springer, but my last relationship ended badly, and there is zero chance I am asking him if I grind my teeth.”
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Walking to Whole Foods on a cold day.
A woman passes me in a face mask.
She lowers it to puff from a cigarette, then raises it again and continues on her way.
It was so human, I had to smile.
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When I’m out running my usual loop in NYC, I touch this fence before I turn around. On days when I try to turn around earlier than reaching the fence, my inner voice scolds me and says it’s bad luck if I don’t touch the fence. So I turn around and make sure I touch the fence before running home.
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While walking Barnaby, I saw the older woman again. Long, greasy, grey hair. A bulky coat and jogging pants. Eyes that would never trust you. Pushing a puppy in a stroller.
People had warned me about her.
Ignore her.
She’s a retired doctor who’s gone mad.
She snaps if you make eye contact.
She yells if you walk past her.
She used to walk two enormous dogs that looked like mops. Then one. Then none.
Something made me stop and talk to her that day, despite the warnings.
Maybe it was the puppy energy.
Maybe it was my own dog getting older.
Maybe it was me getting older.
“A new puppy?” I asked.
She nodded slowly. Then talked a little about her husband and how he died years ago. She said she looked about the same age, because she drank collagen. The two big dogs were her world. The last one died in June.
That was months ago.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“And you know,” she said, very calmly and deliberately, “I still sing to him every night.”
I smiled, gave the puppy a scratch, and figured we’d chat again.
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A man killing the snow with his heavy stomp:
“Your dog is licking the pee.”
Me: “You better call someone then.”
The Sidewalk Know-It-All:
I was walking a freshly groomed Barnaby, my twelve-year-old dog. He had his spring “high and tight,” which is great for visibility…less great for hiding anything.
A woman walking her dog stopped me.
“Oh, he has those fatty lumps.”
“Yes. Lipomas. They’re benign.”
“My dog had those. I had them removed.”
“Okay. My dad’s his vet. He says to leave’em unless they interfere with somethin’.”
She looked Barnaby over, a little more critically this time.
“I used to spend $500 getting them removed. Then I stopped feeding chicken, and he stopped getting them.”
“Cool. He doesn’t eat much chicken. More of a lamb and beef guy.”
She paused. Slightly judgey.
“Worth considering though.”
I looked at Barnaby. Then back at her.
“At this point, neither of us is trying to win any beauty contests. We’ll be alright.”
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Check Out Life in Anecdotes Part 5
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