copyrighted to Dr. Eeks because this is my life. ;)
“Had an exorcist on the podcast who talks to demons. Just booked a doctor who talks to angels.”
Friend: “How is this remotely connected to Causes or Cures?”
“Spiritual comorbidities. Try to keep up.”
**********************************************************************************************************
Pancake flipping: my quarterly ego reset.
**********************************************************************************************************
Every time I see a stiff, dead rat or pigeon on the city sidewalk, I stop whatever I’m doing and recite that D.H. Lawrence line: “I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself…” like my life’s purpose is to be the final scene in a low-budget Shakespeare play no one came to see.
**********************************************************************************************************
Mom: “I’m mad at your father. He left for work today and said I talk like a drill sergeant and should have been one.” Me: “Well… if the boot fits.”
*********************************************************************************************************
Long swim this morning.
There are moments when the sunlight hits the water just right, and it feels like you’re gliding through a tunnel of ethereal sparkles, slipping into another dimension.
For a second. Just for a second.
*********************************************************************************************************
Swam laps this morning. An older gentleman with long, biblical hair lowered himself into the adjacent lane. My brain: “He looks like Moses.” Then another guy shouted, “Geez, Jimmy, you look like you’re gettin’ into the Red Sea!”
So much for original thoughts.
*********************************************************************************************************
My mom calls one of the strays she feeds Satan. I’ll be on the phone with her when she swings open the porch door and hollers, “Satan! Dinner time! Where are you, Satan?!” Pretty sure the Jehovah’s Witnesses crossed our address off their list.
********************************************************************************************************
Spotted a yellow-bellied sapsucker today. Wonder if he ever flies home and tells his bird friends he spotted me.
********************************************************************************************************
At the Farmers Market.
Guy sees me buying corn.
Him: “You know what a dollar per corn makes?”
Me: “What?” Him (grinning): “A Buccaneer!”
He bursts out laughing. Him: “You know, like a pirate!”
Me: “…Right. Right. Okay!”
That officially counts as my social interaction for the day.
**********************************************************************************************************
My sister: “Erin, you should buy this house. First family moved out because of domestic violence, then a woman killed herself in it, and now the person who lives there exposes himself, so the neighborhood’s uncomfortable and he’s moving.”
Me: “You should definitely go into real estate.”
*********************************************************************************************************
Yesterday: My dad sends me one of the goriest dog photos I’ve seen, with the text: “Right groin area, tried to rip off.”
No context. No explanation.
Just that.
I reply: “WTF??”
Today: He finally writes back. Turns out, a bear attacked the dog…one swipe! Biggest stitch job of his career.
The good news: The family called this morning. The dog’s doing well. Lucky boy. 🐾🐻🪡
Moral of the story: Some dads send “How’s your day?” texts. Mine sends bear-attack groin injuries… then ghosts me for 24 hours.
**********************************************************************************************************
The communal laundry room is its own Hunger Games: limited machines, high stakes, no mercy.
Today, as I pulled my clothes from the dryer, a guy hovered so close I could feel his breath. I wasn’t in the mood. So I said, “Mind leavin’ some room for the Holy Spirit?”
He slow-blinked. And the ghost of every nun I knew cheered.
*********************************************************************************************************
Just got the standard ‘True Crime’ text from my friend who’s going on a first date. Always amused by how the excitement for a new romantic prospect is perfectly timed with the ‘In case I go missing, here’s the suspect’ text.
*********************************************************************************************************
On Causes or Cures, whenever I chat with an international researcher, the warm-up’s always the same: a minute of me mangling their name like a porch-swing hillbilly wrestling the alphabet — and them nodding politely, “close enough!”
**********************************************************************************************************
Waiting to cross, sirens blaring. I howl to encourage Barnaby to join in.
Guy steps up beside me.
“My pup does that too.”
Me: “That was me.”
Him: “Oh…sorry.”
Can’t believe he didn’t fall in love with me right there.
*********************************************************************************************************
My favorite way to push my mom’s buttons is saying, ‘Mom, I’m manifesting.’ She immediately pictures me cross-legged in a field, contemplating my navel. Then comes: ‘The universe helps those who help themselves. Roll up your sleeves and get to work.’
*********************************************************************************************************
Me to handyman: “I need to know whatever you use on the tub is not toxic.”
Him: “I mean, I’m still here?”
Me: “Well…, I don’t know how long you have.”
**********************************************************************************************************
One of my favorite people in our extended family passed suddenly. A journalist, professor, animal lover, and a rare light in a noisy world. I want to share one of his last posts: “I heard someone speak yesterday of ‘having the great adventure of a lifetime.’ I think one should strive to make his or her whole lifetime a great adventure. Fill your life with adventure. Make them as many as possible, as large as possible. Don’t compare them with the adventures of others—it’s your adventure, your life.” May he rest now, and may I carry those words with me.
*********************************************************************************************************
I love my character-building, bargain lap pool & the new public health sign even more: “Please don’t spray your nose or fecal matter in the pool.” Imagine doing laps & thinking, “Well, here’s where I’d normally do my morning fecal misting, so thank God I saw that sign!”
********************************************************************************************************
Barnaby and I were walking through the park around 8 p.m. on a cold, icy evening. The sun had slipped away. It was that hour when squirrels morph into rats and the streetlamps flick on, casting a ghostly glow over the frozen ground.
Behind us, a couple in winter coats walked close enough that I could hear their murmured conversation and the crunch of ice beneath their shoes.
Out of nowhere, the man asked, “Do you want to dance?”
She said yes.
It stopped me. Who does that? In the middle of a freezing, dark park, with giant, squeaky rats and shivering, stressed people rushing to anywhere but here?
I turned to look, and there they were. Cheek to cheek. No music. Swaying on the icy path as if it were the most natural thing in the world. I kept walking, but I could not help glancing back. They were still there, dancing, as if the world around them had completely vanished.
One could speculate why, but perhaps that is just their thing. I decided it was a good thing. Park dancing on cold nights.
********************************************************************************************************